Life Lessons and Being a Daddy’s Girl
I want to talk to you today about Stan’s life lessons and being a daddy’s girl. We’re gonna laugh together, and most assuredly cry together, and at the end… I promise we’ll all go home happy.
When my daddy smiled on you, you felt like you could MOVE a mountain, even if it was you againstMount Everest. Stan EMPOWERED you. It was his gift. His words encouraged people, built them up, made them confident and strong. And he was generous. He tried to help people less fortunate, and to empower others to succeed. He was the epitome of the old saying: “Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. TEACH a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.”
I want to share with you the life lessons I learned from my daddy.
1.
Put God first in your life.
As a kid, my daddy was a deacon at Mt. Pleasant. He and mom used to take Chad and I to church every time the doors opened, that meant Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night. I can now say openly in this room, I was NOT happy about that. NOT ONE BIT. Because every Sunday night, a Disney movie came on tv, and later, the Hardy Boys. And I was not happy to miss that. But guess what, in between my little girl, spoiled rotten years and my preteen angst, and amidst all that Bency Smith preaching, Debbie Burton small group life lessons, and Sunday dinner on the grounds, faith wormed its way into my heart, and stayed with me throughout my whole forty-five years. Later, at Poplar Springs Baptist, as an early teen, mom and dad still drug us to church, even on Wednesday nights. My buddies,Andy Martin, Paula Stanley and I would cut Preacher Lane’s message or sit for hours hanging out together waiting on our parents to get out of choir practice while we were up to no good. As an older teen, my dad must have been missing his Mt. Pleasant roots (I think it was the amazing cooking of Margaret Walters and all her peers) but my dad was drawn back to John Attaway’s messages and good advice. He knew what he was doing because John ended up counseling Kevin and I, 25 years ago this summer, and then marrying us. It must have been good advice. It took. I’m taking you on this walk down memory lane to tell you that as he and mom drug us to church, he taught Chad and I not only faith, but the value of a church family, and being amongst other Christians in good and bad times to hold each other up. He showed me that by keeping a child in church, you keep them away from trouble. He taught me to love to sing and worship. I hate to admit this to Paula and Andy, but I liked it most when we sat farther back in the pews and listened to Hilda, James Martin, John & Juanita and my daddy make some beautiful music as the choir practiced each week. I’ve spent most of my adult life as a member of a church choir. And I will forever love a rousing choir rendition of “How Great Thou Art.” Thank you daddy.
2.
There’s An Old Saying…. Home is where you treat your family like friends, and your friends like family. My dad was good at both.
We’re sitting here nearly two weeks after dad’s death for a reason. Many of you know, Kevin and I and our family travel extensively, and we have for 25 years. One of the first and best lessons my dad taught me was to take a vacation every year with your family, even if you can't afford it... go camping if that's what you can do, he'd say. Ironically, on the day he passed, my mom was waking up dad to go on a family beach trip with Jordan and Chad's family. When we all sat down to talk about them cancelling and planning Dad's services for a couple of days later, we all said, no, dad wouldn't have wanted that. And my family's trip was planned for next week at the beach. It was truly THE only week this summer that all five of my family could be together. My dad would have wanted that. Many of you may remember that my mom had her appendix out one year, but that didn’t stop us. OH NO. My dad patched her up, reserved a wheel chair, and off to Disney we went. No way were we cancelling our vacation (And oh, by the way, we got to go to the FRONT of every line because of mom). FAMILY and BEING TOGETHER was THE MOST IMPORTANT thing to my Dadwhen we were growing up. I hope I've imparted that lesson to my kids. I just wanted you all to know, that Chad, Jordan, Kevin, mom and I honored our dad by being together with our families on our vacations and then coming together today tocelebrate my dad's life and legacy. In addition to making the four of us a priority… my dad, not coming from a large family, adopted my mom’s huge brood of a 12 brother & sisters in laws, and made them his own. In 1972, my dad took my mom an hour away from her family to live in State Road when their kids were just babies. But yet most every Sunday after church, (and lunch at K&W), for my mom, we drove an hour to my grandma’s house, sat under the trees, and enjoyed homemade ice cream with my nearly 20 cousins, and dozen aunts and uncles. My daddy loved to laugh. And he was a HUGE practical joker. I remember hanging out every weekend with my Aunt Tannis and Uncle Dallas, and they were constantly painting each others toenails when the other fell asleep, or chasing each other around the house in a water fight. My wonderful aunts and uncles have been my mom and dad’s closest friends and biggest blessings in recent years.
Dad also taught me that your best friends aren’t just friends… they’re family. I spent about every Christmas Eve growing up with Dad’s mom, his sister’s family, and his oldest friends, Ray and Janice Wilson and their family. Ray was with my dad from the time he was a boy until he stood over him and whispered “thank you Stan” as we told him goodbye. The entire weekend of my dad’s death, and at the gathering at my home of over 150 people the night after daddy died, my childhood best friend, Dawn,drove nearly two hours home and back twice to be here to take care of me, my home and my family. When the call reached me at the mountain about my dad, my mom’s sister, Linda was there within five minutes to be with my mom. Her sister, Sandra, who recently lost my wonderful Uncle Paul, was at my house after daddy died, on Sunday morning, blowing off my back porch. She made her own hurried trip back down the mountain to take care of her sister. You see, family is there for each other when we need them. Thank you for imparting the value of those relationships,Daddy. For in the end… besides our faith, they are all that really matter.
3.
Make a House a Home… Open it to Friends, family, workmates, the ENTIRE community
My dad was known for his hospitality. We had so many gatherings. The house was always full. First, when they didn’t have a lot, he had their best friends over for cards. Ray and Janice, or Ruth and Darryl, Pat and Eddie, John and Juanita, and many others. Later, he started throwing bigger parties… and did I mention my daddy liked to cook, or more appropriately, bake? Many times he fed the choir, or his Sunday School class, or he was bringing an entire Christmas to a needy family. In Chad and I’s teen years, Dad built a pool. I thought it was for him and mom. In later years, I realized it was to keep Chad and I, our friends, and later, my family, a reason to stay close to him and mom. We were the “cool” house. He threw infamous pool parties. My engagement party was a blast… and if you were never thrown into that pool by Stan, I’m sorry. Andrew, Alexandra and Carson, the three young adults that Kevin and I have raised, definitely benefitted from their grandpa’s lesson there. While we were playing cards with the Days and the Andrews, they made life-long friends hanging out with all the kids. And from day one, my kids have had some of the communities most memorable birthday parties, AT OUR HOUSE. My kids have the “cool” basement. I’ve even come home to some of my kids’ friends hanging out downstairs, and my kids weren’t home. Thank you daddy, for giving me a generous heart. I try to keep the cabinets stocked and the door open. And those kids are all at my house, under our influence, not in trouble, and learning a lot of life lessons. My daddy didn’t build a house, (although he built many), he built a home. Even until the hospital visit a couple of years ago, dad was baking away and sending happiness in the form of pound cakes and key lime pies to my office. It’s been over two years, and our office manager often reminds me she misses my dad’s cakes.
4.
Put Your Spouse First, and your family will stay strong.
For much of his life, my dad worked at Brendles in Elkin. That company brought us to this community. My dad’s mentor was Harold Brendle. He loved to come home talking about the advice that Harold had imparted to him. Harold was a big family man. My dad listened well. Because unfortunately, my dad didn’t have the best role model growing up. His own father suffered from alcoholism and he and his sister, Ann, and mother, Hazel, often had to run from his alcohol induced rages. Harold sent my dad all over the world as he moved up in the company. Eventually my dad was running the entire jewelry division and was a world traveler. But through all of that time, he stayed faithful the love of his life, Willa, and always put her first. She got to go on several trips with him. He was so proud of her, and the wonderful wife and mother that she was to him. He wrote me many letters over the years that talked about how important it was to value that relationship with your spouse, and to go places with them and experience the world together. He told me it would make my family strong. He and my mother taught me that when you choose your spouse and you say I do, you say it forever. The week after I got engaged, he reminded me that in our family, walking away was not an option, ever. As my dad had psychological and physical issues in these last years, my mom became the picture of faithfulness…taking care of him to his last breath, even when it was so very hard. Thank you both for modeling a marriage for Kevin and I, Chad and Jordan, and your grandkids, that showed us what love truly is… it’s the good and the bad times, the ups and the downs, the richer and poorer, the in sickness and health parts, you loved each other for almost 46 years. I’m so thankful for that.
5.
Build Your Kids Up and They Will Move Mountains
From the time I was born, my daddy called me his “princess.” And I was truly a daddy’s girl. But he also taught me that girls could succeed in a man’s world. When a bully stole my project and claimed it as his in third grade, and I was too scared to tell the teacher, my dad told me to march into that classroom the next day and take up for myself with the teacher. If there was an injustice against my brother or I, watch out, he would be the first one in our corner, if that was the right thing to do. He taught me to be a strong business-woman, a decision-maker, confident and focused, yet to always doing the right thing. I laughed not long ago when my oldest friend, Dawn Mustin, said to me, “You know why you are so successful in real estate don’t you? I always knew your dad could sell fleas off a dog, and he passed it on to you and Chad.” I call that a compliment. I believe I have my husband, Kevin, because of that decision-making gene. He once told me he was always drawn to me because other girls he dated couldn’t make a decision, even about where they were going out to eat. Poor thing, he didn’t know what he was getting into…. I want my three kids to stand up. These kids are 21 year old Andrew, an Appalachian State graduate and new teacher, 19 year old Alexandra, an art student at UNCC with truly-god given photography talent, and Carson, my 17 year old chief junior marshall. Okay.. you guys can sit down. Did I mention they have never been bailed out of jail, in trouble or thrown out of school? My dad taught me that if you build expectations for your kids from day one, you will raise strong citizens. If you have little ones, start now. Make lists, set down rules and follow up. My brother and I have laughed this week about all my daddy’s “chore lists,” curfews and museum quality clean house code… and believe me, Chad and I both would not pass his white glove tests at our house, but he taught us that kids need boundaries and expectations, and you’ll not just raise a kid, you’ll raise a winner in life, that can lead their families and pass what they’ve learned to the next generation. My son, Andrew, bent over my dad at the mortuary, and kissed him one last time, and promised him that he would be the man my dad always expected him to be, and he would raise a family that my dad would be proud of. You bet daddy, I KNOW it will happen… right Brittany?
For forty years, I was the apple of my daddy’s eye. I had the best father a girl could ever hope to have. Everyone in this room knows that I was the definition of a Daddy’s Girl. Then the darkness came. For the last five years, Satan tried to steal my daddy from me, my mom and brother, and our family. My dad’s health got worse and worse, and with it, his mental state was often impaired. Doctors told me with sugar levels that sometimes stayed in the 300’s… that your personality can completely change. Then, two yearsago, my dad physically died on the table at Baptist three times, then was revived. But he was never quite the same old Stan everyone knew and loved. He’d still joke with you on a good day, and he would still give you a hug, but he’d lost his will to get better. And with more and more pain, and more and more medicine, we lost a little of that bright light every day. Many nights I went to sleep bargaining with God to bring my Daddy back to us, it was hard and my mom was struggling to bear the load. That last week that I fell asleep praying about just that. A few days later, God answered. Not in the way I had hoped, but in a way that truly brought full restoration of the Stanley B. we all knew and loved.
One of my greatest joys in the last five years came on the morning that Dad left this earth. As I rushed back down the mountain to my mom, driving as fast as I dared, God whispered in my ear…. “My daughter, all is well. Your daddy is with me and he is whole.” The next morning, as I sat in a chair and prayed for forgiveness for not being the best daughter to a grumpy old man, beautiful sunbeams fell across my chair and yet again God whispered to the deepest reaches of my soul, “My child, why are you crying? He is whole. He is your daddy, again. And he is with ME…. where he has longed to be for many years. And your daddy is healthy, happy and he’s singing hymns by a piano with his beloved momma at his side.”
As my momma and my family and I were driving home from telling my daddy’s earthly body goodbyelast week, we were all sad, for we are human, and we are selfish, and it’s very hard to let our loved one go on before us. But we were also happy. Cause we could SEE Daddy grinning back at us from his happy place, surrounded all those he loved and lost over the years… his mom and dad, his Aunt Ruby and grandparents, my mom’s parents, Jordan’s mom, and dear Travis, Uncle Paul, Joey, his mentor, Harold Brendle, Margaret Walters and many others that he was so excited to be reunited with again. As we drove in our grief, and in our happiness, I said, “mom… we should sing THIS song at dad’s service.” Because if you know my daddy, another lesson I learned from him was…you DID NOT go to the funeral home feeling sad for a Christian… you went and reminded everyone around you that it was a celebration. He told me that the night his mom died, he dreamed he saw her around a great banquet table with everyone she loved having a giant celebration of her birth in heaven. I KNOW, deep down in my heart, that my daddy would have loved it if we all end his memorial with a celebration of his heavenly birthday. I encourage all of you to stand up and sing this next song with your whole heart.
Oh Happy Day
