25 Blessings of 25 Years Together

Sitting in the quiet of the last day of 2013, I am reading Ann Voskamp, my new favorite author, and reflecting on her book, One Thousand Gifts. She encourages you to write every day of the year until you fill your journal with all of your blessings. Looking back to December 31, 1988, and fast forwarding until today, I think there may be 100,000 blessings... but this morning, my 25th wedding anniversary, I'm at least going to address my top 25. You would think that I might concentrate only on Kevin this morning... but because of the love of my life, I have ALL of these beautiful blessings. Because of our life together, because of his dedication to his family, because.

1. A Christ-Centered Marriage - A long time ago, this very young couple sat before John Attaway in counseling sessions at Mt. Pleasant Baptist Church. He told us, "if you'll put Christ above each other, always," your marriage will always be blessed. 25 years later, I selfishly think I have the best marriage possible because GOD is in the very midst of our life. When I breathe, He is there with me. He is my rock, He is my shield and He has made the tender strands that bind Kevin and I together become the strong cords that will keep us tethered until one of us joins our Heavenly Father in that beautiful promise.

2. A son with a heart for others - At the 2 year and 8 month mark of our journey as husband and wife, God saw fit to bless us with one of the greatest gifts he gives, a small soul to raise and teach and love. Over the next 22+ years, that little blond headed boy has become all that I had hoped and more. He loves God, he loves his family, he loves Brittany with a love that is beautiful and right, and he loves coaching and he loves children...he shows it each day by patiently teaching 7th graders and trying to make an impact for good on each of their tender lives. I couldn't be more proud.

3. A daughter that can light up a room with her smile and the most beautiful soul you can imagine - After 5 years and 5 months, the prettiest little bundle of joy you can imagine was placed into my arms and I knew that life would never be the same. A baby girl, a toddler son, life was very good. Alexandra changed our household for the good, as she has continued to do for all those in her life for nearly 20 years. If you know her, you love her, and that's the best description I can give you. She brings her smile and kind heart to all she touches. She loves deeply and relies completely on God in all she does. The joy she brings my heart is absolutely indescribable.

4. A golden-locked, perfect baby boy - In April of 1995, I was unexpectedly forced to take a pregnancy test at a doctor's office because I was having an x-ray, and I UNEXPECTEDLY got the surprise of my life, I was EXPECTING a third child. Wow. But God, in his infinite wisdom, gave us the challenges early on, and with his third blessing, delivered to us a child that would spend his entire life serving to please. Carson has quite simply, been an overachiever from day one, (his siblings call him the perfect child). He has an insatiable desire to learn and to improve the lives of those around him. His loves deeply, he cares deeply, and if he is your friend, you are blessed for life. My sweet third baby will forever have his mom's heart.

5. A love for travel - Most who know Kevin and I are probably surprised I'm not sitting on blue water somewhere in the Caribbean. For you know we have become travel bugs over the last 25 years. A Honeymoon cruise started it, and we've never stopped. Together we've seen Germany, Italy, Hawaii, Canada, Mexico, the British and US Virgin Islands, most of the Caribbean, and more than half of the states. They are ALL indescribably beautiful, made more so by spending those cherished days with the love of my life, but, today, I'd rather be right here, cradled by those we love so much to celebrate a life that has been blessed beyond imagination.

6. Friends in Cary/Chapel Hill/Raleigh, Spartanburg and Winston-Salem - We've been blessed to live in three areas (four if you count our month in Summerville) and we've made lifelong friends along the way. We were blessed to have a great reunion with the college crowd earlier this month and it was like a day hadn't passed. Most of them were involved in our wedding day 25 years ago and how awesome it was to get to spend time with them again this month, especially. We have a few couples still in Spartanburg that I could call today and they would be here if I needed them. I will always miss them and those were some of the most special years in our marriage, as we were young marrieds with small babies and those couples were our lifeline while away from family. After 16 years in North Davidson, we feel we are home, amongst all the friends that have become family, watched us raise our children, and been there for us through every celebration, and now, as we have celebrated eternal homecomings of those we love dearly.

7. Speaking of North Davidson, our community is one of the top 25 blessings of 25 years. - Who knew when Kevin got his first job in the area after nearly 9 years in South Carolina, that we would land in the world's best community? Kevin couldn't understand why I wanted to live in Davidson County... but I insisted it was a great school district filled with .... MY FAMILY whom I had been able to visit over the years, but never the chance to live where my parents were raised. I can now say that was one of the top best decisions of our life. Our community plays together, prays together, supports each other, celebrates together, and has left an indelible mark on me that no matter where I go from here, I will ALWAYS love the North Davidson community.

8. My in-laws who I don't consider in-laws -  What girl doesn't marry into a family and worry that she will be accepted into her mate's family? Well, I don't have in-laws, I have a second set of parents that have blessed me beyond anything I thought possible at the tender age of 20 when I married their son. Elton and Thelma have been there through every up and every down, faithfully supporting us and modeling the most beautiful marriage for their nearly 57 years together. Every day they are in our lives is another blessing. Thank you for being there for us. We love you. And thank you for sharing Bretta with us. She was an amazing great-grandmother to my kids and the coolest 99 year old I ever knew. I will miss her always.

9. My parents - As I stood there on the steps as the sun had just broken through the rain, on the steps of First Baptist Church in Jonesville, 25 years ago this afternoon, with my arm hooked through his, my dad said, "Are you ready to do this?" knowing that of course I was... he was the one who knew I would marry Kevin before I did. For nearly 46 years, my parents loved each other deeply, and loved us deeply as well. With every child I added, they doted even more. God saw that my dad was tired and his health issues were more than he could bear, and took him home in this, my year of celebration of our 25th year. The last 6 months have not been easy, but knowing where my dad is worthy of a daily celebration. And the blessing of having a mom that still calls daily to check-in on me is priceless. Every day we have her in our lives will be another blessed day in our journey.

10. A sister - Jordan married my brother about 11 years ago, but it feels like she has always been a part of my life. She has a gentle spirit and kind heart and all who know her love her; much like Alex. She loves unconditionally, and is raising two other great blessings in our lives, a niece and a nephew whom I love dearly. She even accepted my brother with ALL of his flaws ( ;P ) and loves him anyway!!

11. And while talking about my dear sister, I must talk about my brother. - I have a brother that will listen, will consider and will love unconditionally, no matter the situation. Chad got all the good qualities of my mom and dad and just makes me happy to be around him. Chad & Jordan are celebrating with us tonight at Chateau Morrisette with the McRaes, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

12. The Lay boys and family - I also married into a family of THREE boys... three Lay boys. Boys that are now (OLD) men with beautiful families that are both reflections of the family man that their dad has been for 57 years. When we get together, it is comfortable, is is fun and it is home. I love to talk with Greg/Bill and listen to his take on every current issue. I love to talk to Anna, my super-smart sis-in-law, that is a dean of social work at USC, and can make any topic interesting. Listening to Steve and Kevin banter back and forth each time we're together, you can see that they enjoy just being around each other. Jolie is like the older sister I never had. She is the calming soul with the great advice always. I have super nieces and nephews that complete our families and bring us all joy.

13. The extended Lay family in Alabama - Although we only get there every other year or so, one of the most looked forward to times in our marriage have been going to see all of Kevin's Alabama family. I love my father-in-law FIERCELY, for his heart is a reflection of my husband's heart... and I see it reflected amongst all of the family in Alabama. For B.J., the patriarch and Kevin's grandfather that we lost in 2012, was an amazing man that raised an amazing family with sweet Mama Jewel. The family loves deeply and are accepting of all that come into the fold, and have taught me many things, especially the importance of each other in our lives. B.J. wrote in a journal every day of his life, and those journals were the prized possessions when he passed. I thought of that when I started this blog this year... and I only got to 8 posts... but he is my hero. Maybe one day....

14. The extended Nifong family - We moved back to North Davidson BECAUSE of the love that I felt my whole life every time we visited my family growing up in Davidson County. To this day, I can show up at any of my aunt and uncles or cousins' homes and they will say, "pull up a chair and talk for a while." I know I am home. And that completes me.

15. Our Fancy Gap home - For the first 15 or 17 years of our marriage, we spent the week after Christmas and July 4th week at my parent's mountain homes. Many good times were spent together and great memories made... and when they sold the last one, my heart broke a little. So we then spent five years or so looking for the perfect place to build memories with our family. We looked forever for the perfect spot where you could see for miles and miles... and when we found it, we put our heart and soul in planning our cabin and planning for many years of family gatherings, memories and togetherness. And for the last four and a half years, we've made memories to last a lifetime already. When I am here, I am truly home. And I thank my incredible husband for catching my vision and letting me run with it. For that, I am forever grateful.

16. Pinedale Christian Church - I'm feeling like I'm being too wordy... so I'll try to be more concise. I can walk through these doors, and feel I am at home. Those I know welcome me and love me as I am, and those I don't know become new friends. The blessings here are too numerous to count, and this place and the people behind the doors have shaped the entire lives of my children and my family. The families of our ministers, the McKenzies, Sinks, Earharts, Hausers, Maurers, Marks, Lewis, and now Martin & Ryan... wow, no words. Thank you God, for bringing us to this place.

17. Our friends - I could be so wordy here you would quit reading now. So many families have come in and out of our lives and left their footprints there. You know who you are... your last names are Mustin, McRae, Mukamal, Blue, Rose, Johanec, Barbour, Nifong, Shumate, Lilly, Strickland, Smith, Cockerham, Tester, McCormick, Gillespie, Hucks, Morgan, Day, Andrews, Wilson, Darrow, Cook, Nicholson, Vest, Kahl, Fashimpaur, Johnston, Pack, Sutor, Fishel, Sain, Hall, and many, many others that I should have typed, but remember, I have half-Heimers at the 25 year point and sometimes my memory just stinks. You have all been there in the good times and the bad and I will forever be grateful for all of you and all you have meant to us in these 25 years.

18. Morningside Baptist Church - This place welcomed in this newlywed couple way back in 1989, and made us feel at home. We fell in love with the ministers, the McGhees, who have now been home with the Lord for years... they became second grandparents to us. We loved David, our choir director who could will forever live in my memories at Christmas every time I hear "Oh Holy Night," and we loved Jackie, our choir director, who became one of my all time favorite people and who I LOVED when she became a second mom figure to me while I was raising babies. And Dr. Kirk Neely became the steady, thoughtful man of God at the helm that I still admire to this day, and love to read his posts.

19. North Davidson schools and our preschools - Northwest Elementary, North Davidson Middle and High Schools; Montessori in Spartanburg and Midway Methodist - Yes, I know many people feel strongly about the actual schools, but I'm talking mostly about the people. The PEOPLE who touched my children's lives and shaped them, who spent hours teaching them and loving them. I'll always remember Mr. Carpenter, best principal ever. We came to love Mrs. Kiger and then really respected Mr. Fishel. The teachers are too numerous to name, but some that stand out are Decker, Caldwell, Patterson, Sink, Boyles, Robbins, Sanders, Allen, Proctor (s), Vaughn, Nazarro, Greene, Daniels, Hodge, Woosley, Israel, Redmond, Truell, Brinkley, Primiano, Piatkowski(s), Fordham, Holcomb, Burcham, Crotts, etc. SO MANY GOOD TEACHERS that made a difference for my little starfish. For the preschool years, it's been so many years that some of the names escape me, but the way they made us feel does not. These two schools readied my kiddos for "big school" and loved them and I remember being so very proud at each little performance and every time they sang and our kids thought they were "so big." Our years at each of these are remembered with fondness and wonderful memories. Mrs. Sally McNabb... I will never forget that name, as I'm sure Andrew will not ever. What a gifted and PATIENT woman. ;)

20. Real Estate Career and Kevin's job - Eight years ago I found a family of people that I really enjoy working with... Carol Hudson and Jodi Tate made a huge difference in my life by encouraging me and teaching me to love real estate. It is there that I have found a true career that has both helped to support my family and allowed us to live a life we love. I am forever thankful to those who have been there along the way... Renea, Josh, John Mc, Lili, Carol, Jodi, Beverly, John H, Lisa, Chris, Cathy, Terri, Vicki, Jim, Sharon and so many others.... you know who you are. Just thank you. I am also truly appreciative to all the clients that have come through my life. You have enriched me! And to all those we've come to know and love through BGF, it has been a pleasure. You keep my husband happy, busy, productive and fulfilled, and that's so important.

21. Out of the Box - In our recent four years, we've found a church home when we are in Fancy Gap... we ride the country road up to Hillsville and worship with our little small church that brings a smile to my face as soon as we drive up. The message is real, the people are kind, the minister, Ronnie Collins, makes all feel welcome, his family is AWESOME, and the music is fantastic. This place makes me happy and feel close to God... simple as that.

22. WBFJ and WLFJ - The Christian stations in Winston-Salem and Spartanburg... why a radio station you ask? Because music shapes my life and the message playing at these stations has accompanied me along my journey and started and ended my day where I need to be so often. To those great people, like Wally Decker and Bonnie Hilton, who have made this their passion and life's work, I thank you. Because some of my favorite memories are Friday mornings singing the birthday song with my young children on the drive to school each week.... priceless.

23. Troop 238 - As I prepare for Carson's Eagle Scout Ceremony, I have been thinking about the DOZEN years my family has spent with this Troop. We are definitely the family that has been involved the longest and there are SO MANY MEMORIES that are held for all THREE of my boys, Kevin included. Cherokee, camping, ski trips, battleships, beach trips, etc.... For all those that have played a part, Kight, Weber, Tucker, Pack, Crotts, Jarvis, Wooten, Waisner, Jones, Dempsey, Barringer, Newman, etc.... thank you. Thank you for shaping my boys from kids into men. Into Eagles.... once an Eagle, always an Eagle.

24. Brittany Hall - On a fall day in 2009, I moved my boy into Appalachian State University and that day he met a beautiful blond girl with a heart of gold. By Christmas, I knew what he did not... that he was crazy over this girl. By spring, she became his girlfriend. After a Christmas trip that December in 2010, I knew she was his forever girl. One day soon, I hope to watch her walk down the aisle into our family forever because she has already become my second daughter, my own daughter's best friend, and... become the one closest to my Andrew's heart. She will always be one of my children. (And she's about to be a Doctor too... so proud)! It's exciting for Kevin and I to grow our hearts and include more kids. Can't wait to see what the future holds with these two.

25. Jeremy Baker - As my daughter was finishing her sophomore year of high school, she started talking a lot with one of her good friends... and I could see the mutual admiration blossoming. I respected this young man for who he was, a quiet non-assuming young man with a heart for Jesus, a love for music and a people pleaser. Everyone who knew him told us what a gem he was... and the perfect one for my daughter. Since that day, until this one three and a half years later, he has made my girl happy. And that is what is important. He is there for her, he loves her unconditionally, and all I can say is I can't wait to see what the next couple of years hold for these two as they finish college and perhaps begin a life together.

Whew.... that's a long list. There are many other things I could include, but these are 25.... for our 25 year journey. And I've spent each day of the walk beside the man that completes me... that loves me unconditionally, that puts me first over everything and everyone but Christ, who we put at the center. He wakes up and lives the book, "The Five Love Languages." He learned mine early on and he lives to speak mine. He is the most incredible father to my kids and he has modeled the Christian father and husband for them so that I know will also be the kind of man he has been. I hope I have done the same for Alexandra. We have been blessed in this journey immeasurably, and I hope to be blessed with at least 25 more or even 50. Thank you, Kevin Lay, for picking me, for making this incredible life. I will love you forever. Thank you, Lord, for these.

Anniversaries and Milestones

Sigh... I thought I would be able to blog at least once a month and it's August and this is number six. 

It's August 2013. 

11 years ago this month, in August of 2002, my oldest child started middle school. I remember the feelings of apprehension as we too, became middle school parents. The angst, the anxiety, the changing of classes, lockers, the physical and mental CHANGES, the realization that our child was no longer a CHILD. 

Eight years ago this month, our eldest moved to the high school. Yay! High school football Friday nights, fall carnivals and Homecoming, plus PROM! But also, more angst over understanding every grade counted towards college admission, choosing the RIGHT honors and AP courses, while making sure you could get thru football practices and the  Eagle Scout project too!

Then that bright Fall morning arrived, four years ago this past Friday... And we dropped that same oldest child off at his dream college, Appalachian State. As first time college parents, we were positive he was "grown," and we had prepared him for "adult" life.... Well, almost. After a VERY rocky first year (grade-wise), that handsome oldest boy began to hit each goal and milestone... And do quite well. He also met the sweetest gal ever freshman year, and has managed to build a beautiful relationship with her and both our families. And even get a history education degree in the process!

Finally, its August again... And this past Thursday, four years almost to the day since he started college, and 11 years since middle school, he got his first job. Ironically, Andrew gets to go back to... MIDDLE SCHOOL!  :D  

As his mom, I find an absolutely ironic humor in this.... Middle school, and seventh grade in particular, was quite possibly Andrew's most challenging year growing up. Maybe that's why, we noticed, every summer lately, he was a rock star on campus with the middle school boys at Cherokee Scout Reservation. He relates and uniquely understands them and understands the angst of the middle school even more than most. So tomorrow...as Andrew begins another milestone in his life, as his mom, I know he'll succeed. God has uniquely and quite purposefully, put him exactly where He needs him to be. He made that quite clear this past week. 

And once again, on the day that he begins at South Davie Middle School, I'll be on my knees praying for his success, because that's what moms do... Even when those great big boys grow up and begin their adult lives, we moms continue to pray. Because that's the best job I've ever had the pleasure of doing, being a mom. 

And so the craziness of August and its milestones begin again. Alexandra moved into her very first apartment last Thursday to start her sophomore year at UNCC. And maybe most gut-wrenching of all for me personally, my baby boy, Carson, begins his senior year of high school in a week. After years and years of "first day of school pics," we've finally reached the last one. 

Thank you Lord, for this moment. My crazy, insane boys, their dad, and Andrew's friend, Kendal, are currently gathered around our table laughing hysterically, throwing cards and insults, as their dad loses miserably at a game of Yugio... Pulled back out of the recesses of Andrew's middle school years. Guess Drew's getting in the mindset....love them. ;)    BLESSED.

Life Lessons and Being a Daddy's Girl

Wanted to share what I read at my Dad's memorial service. Hope you have a Happy First Father's Day in Heaven, Daddy....this sure is hard without you, but it's such a blessing to know you are whole and in no more pain.

Life Lessons and Being a Daddy’s Girl

I want to talk to you today about Stan’s life lessons and being a daddy’s girl. We’re gonna laugh together, and most assuredly cry together, and at the end… I promise we’ll all go home happy.

When my daddy smiled on you, you felt like you could MOVE a mountain, even if it was you againstMount Everest. Stan EMPOWERED you. It was his gift. His words encouraged people, built them up, made them confident and strong. And he was generous. He tried to help people less fortunate, and to empower others to succeed. He was the epitome of the old saying: “Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. TEACH a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.”

I want to share with you the life lessons I learned from my daddy.

1.

Put God first in your life.

As a kid, my daddy was a deacon at Mt. Pleasant. He and mom used to take Chad and I to church every time the doors opened, that meant Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night. I can now say openly in this room, I was NOT happy about that. NOT ONE BIT. Because every Sunday night, a Disney movie came on tv, and later, the Hardy Boys. And I was not happy to miss that. But guess what, in between my little girl, spoiled rotten years and my preteen angst, and amidst all that Bency Smith preaching, Debbie Burton small group life lessons, and Sunday dinner on the grounds, faith wormed its way into my heart, and stayed with me throughout my whole forty-five years. Later, at Poplar Springs Baptist, as an early teen, mom and dad still drug us to church, even on Wednesday nights. My buddies,Andy Martin, Paula Stanley and I would cut Preacher Lane’s message or sit for hours hanging out together waiting on our parents to get out of choir practice while we were up to no good. As an older teen, my dad must have been missing his Mt. Pleasant roots (I think it was the amazing cooking of Margaret Walters and all her peers) but my dad was drawn back to John Attaway’s messages and good advice. He knew what he was doing because John ended up counseling Kevin and I, 25 years ago this summer, and then marrying us. It must have been good advice. It took. I’m taking you on this walk down memory lane to tell you that as he and mom drug us to church, he taught Chad and I not only faith, but the value of a church family, and being amongst other Christians in good and bad times to hold each other up. He showed me that by keeping a child in church, you keep them away from trouble. He taught me to love to sing and worship. I hate to admit this to Paula and Andy, but I liked it most when we sat farther back in the pews and listened to Hilda, James Martin, John & Juanita and my daddy make some beautiful music as the choir practiced each week. I’ve spent most of my adult life as a member of a church choir. And I will forever love a rousing choir rendition of “How Great Thou Art.” Thank you daddy.

2.

There’s An Old Saying…. Home is where you treat your family like friends, and your friends like family. My dad was good at both.

We’re sitting here nearly two weeks after dad’s death for a reason. Many of you know, Kevin and I and our family travel extensively, and we have for 25 years. One of the first and best lessons my dad taught me was to take a vacation every year with your family, even if you can't afford it... go camping if that's what you can do, he'd say. Ironically, on the day he passed, my mom was waking up dad to go on a family beach trip with Jordan and Chad's family. When we all sat down to talk about them cancelling and planning Dad's services for a couple of days later, we all said, no, dad wouldn't have wanted that. And my family's trip was planned for next week at the beach. It was truly THE only week this summer that all five of my family could be together. My dad would have wanted that. Many of you may remember that my mom had her appendix out one year, but that didn’t stop us. OH NO. My dad patched her up, reserved a wheel chair, and off to Disney we went. No way were we cancelling our vacation (And oh, by the way, we got to go to the FRONT of every line because of mom). FAMILY and BEING TOGETHER was THE MOST IMPORTANT thing to my Dadwhen we were growing up. I hope I've imparted that lesson to my kids. I just wanted you all to know, that Chad, Jordan, Kevin, mom and I honored our dad by being together with our families on our vacations and then coming together today tocelebrate my dad's life and legacy. In addition to making the four of us a priority… my dad, not coming from a large family, adopted my mom’s huge brood of a 12 brother & sisters in laws, and made them his own. In 1972, my dad took my mom an hour away from her family to live in State Road when their kids were just babies. But yet most every Sunday after church, (and lunch at K&W), for my mom, we drove an hour to my grandma’s house, sat  under the trees, and enjoyed homemade ice cream with my nearly 20 cousins, and dozen aunts and uncles. My daddy loved to laugh. And he was a HUGE practical joker. I remember hanging out every weekend with my Aunt Tannis and Uncle Dallas, and they were constantly painting each others toenails when the other fell asleep, or chasing each other around the house in a water fight. My wonderful aunts and uncles have been my mom and dad’s closest friends and biggest blessings in recent years.

Dad also taught me that your best friends aren’t just friends… they’re family. I spent about every Christmas Eve growing up with Dad’s mom, his sister’s family, and his oldest friends, Ray and Janice Wilson and their family. Ray was with my dad from the time he was a boy until he stood over him and whispered “thank you Stan” as we told him goodbye. The entire weekend of my dad’s death, and at the gathering at my home of over 150 people the night after daddy died, my childhood best friend, Dawn,drove nearly two hours home and back twice to be here to take care of me, my home and my family.  When the call reached me at the mountain about my dad, my mom’s sister, Linda was there within five minutes to be with my mom. Her sister, Sandra, who recently lost my wonderful Uncle Paul, was at my house after daddy died, on Sunday morning, blowing off my back porch. She made her own hurried trip back down the mountain to take care of her sister. You see, family is there for each other when we need them. Thank you for imparting the value of those relationships,Daddy. For in the end… besides our faith, they are all that really matter.

3.

Make a House a Home… Open it to Friends, family, workmates, the ENTIRE community

My dad was known for his hospitality. We had so many gatherings. The house was always full. First, when they didn’t have a lot, he had their best friends over for cards. Ray and Janice, or Ruth and Darryl, Pat and Eddie, John and Juanita, and many others. Later, he started throwing bigger parties… and did I mention my daddy liked to cook, or more appropriately, bake? Many times he fed the choir, or his Sunday School class, or he was bringing an entire Christmas to a needy family. In Chad and I’s teen years, Dad built a pool. I thought it was for him and mom. In later years, I realized it was to keep Chad and I, our friends, and later, my family, a reason to stay close to him and mom. We were the “cool” house. He threw infamous pool parties. My engagement party was a blast… and if you were never thrown into that pool by Stan, I’m sorry. Andrew, Alexandra and Carson, the three young adults that Kevin and I have raised, definitely benefitted from their grandpa’s lesson there. While we were playing cards with the Days and the Andrews, they made life-long friends hanging out with all the kids. And from day one, my kids have had some of the communities most memorable birthday parties, AT OUR HOUSE. My kids have the “cool” basement. I’ve even come home to some of my kids’ friends hanging out downstairs, and my kids weren’t home. Thank you daddy, for giving me a generous heart. I try to keep the cabinets stocked and the door open. And those kids are all at my house, under our influence, not in trouble, and learning a lot of life lessons.  My daddy didn’t build a house, (although he built many), he built a home. Even until the hospital visit a couple of years ago, dad was baking away and sending happiness in the form of pound cakes and key lime pies to my office. It’s been over two years, and our office manager often reminds me she misses my dad’s cakes.

4.

Put Your Spouse First, and your family will stay strong.

For much of his life, my dad worked at Brendles in Elkin. That company brought us to this community. My dad’s mentor was Harold Brendle. He loved to come home talking about the advice that Harold had imparted to him. Harold was a big family man. My dad listened well. Because unfortunately, my dad didn’t have the best role model growing up. His own father suffered from alcoholism and he and his sister, Ann, and mother, Hazel, often had to run from his alcohol induced rages. Harold sent my dad all over the world as he moved up in the company. Eventually my dad was running the entire jewelry division and was a world traveler. But through all of that time, he stayed faithful the love of his life, Willa, and always put her first. She got to go on several trips with him.  He was so proud of her, and the wonderful wife and mother that she was to him. He wrote me many letters over the years that talked about how important it was to value that relationship with your spouse, and to go places with them and experience the world together. He told me it would make my family strong. He and my mother taught me that when you choose your spouse and you say I do, you say it forever. The week after I got engaged, he reminded me that in our family, walking away was not an option, ever. As my dad had psychological and physical issues in these last years, my mom became the picture of faithfulness…taking care of him to his last breath, even when it was so very hard. Thank you both for modeling a marriage for Kevin and I, Chad and Jordan, and your grandkids, that showed us what love truly is… it’s the good and the bad times, the ups and the downs, the richer and poorer, the in sickness and health parts, you loved each other for almost 46 years. I’m so thankful for that.

5.

Build Your Kids Up and They Will Move Mountains

From the time I was born, my daddy called me his “princess.” And I was truly a daddy’s girl. But he also taught me that girls could succeed in a man’s world. When a bully stole my project and claimed it as his in third grade, and I was too scared to tell the teacher, my dad told me to march into that classroom the next day and take up for myself with the teacher. If there was an injustice against my brother or I, watch out, he would be the first one in our corner, if that was the right thing to do. He taught me to be a strong business-woman, a decision-maker, confident and focused, yet to always doing the right thing. I laughed not long ago when my oldest friend, Dawn Mustin, said to me, “You know why you are so successful in real estate don’t you? I always knew your dad could sell fleas off a dog, and he passed it on to you and Chad.” I call that a compliment. I believe I have my husband, Kevin, because of that decision-making gene. He once told me he was always drawn to me because other girls he dated couldn’t make a decision, even about where they were going out to eat. Poor thing, he didn’t know what he was getting into…. I want my three kids to stand up. These kids are 21 year old Andrew, an Appalachian State graduate and new teacher, 19 year old Alexandra, an art student at UNCC with truly-god given photography talent, and Carson, my 17 year old chief junior marshall. Okay.. you guys can sit down. Did I mention they have never been bailed out of jail, in trouble or thrown out of school? My dad taught me that if you build expectations for your kids from day one, you will raise strong citizens. If you have little ones, start now. Make lists, set down rules and follow up. My brother and I have laughed this week about all my daddy’s “chore lists,” curfews and museum quality clean house code… and believe me, Chad and I both would not pass his white glove tests at our house, but he taught us that kids need boundaries and expectations, and you’ll not just raise a kid, you’ll raise a winner in life, that can lead their families and pass what they’ve learned to the next generation. My son, Andrew, bent over my dad at the mortuary, and kissed him one last time, and promised him that he would be the man my dad always expected him to be, and he would raise a family that my dad would be proud of. You bet daddy, I KNOW it will happen… right Brittany?

For forty years, I was the apple of my daddy’s eye. I had the best father a girl could ever hope to have.  Everyone in this room knows that I was the definition of a Daddy’s Girl. Then the darkness came. For the last five years, Satan tried to steal my daddy from me, my mom and brother, and our family. My dad’s health got worse and worse, and with it, his mental state was often impaired. Doctors told me with sugar levels that sometimes stayed in the 300’s… that your personality can completely change. Then, two yearsago, my dad physically died on the table at Baptist three times, then was revived. But he was never quite the same old Stan everyone knew and loved. He’d still joke with you on a good day, and he would still give you a hug, but he’d lost his will to get better. And with more and more pain, and more and more medicine, we lost a little of that bright light every day. Many nights I went to sleep bargaining with God to bring my Daddy back to us, it was hard and my mom was struggling to bear the load. That last week that I fell asleep praying about just that. A few days later, God answered. Not in the way I had hoped, but in a way that truly brought full restoration of the Stanley B. we all knew and loved.

One of my greatest joys in the last five years came on the morning that Dad left this earth. As I rushed back down the mountain to my mom, driving as fast as I dared, God whispered in my ear…. “My daughter, all is well. Your daddy is with me and he is whole.” The next morning, as I sat in a chair and prayed for forgiveness for not being the best daughter to a grumpy old man, beautiful sunbeams fell across my chair and yet again God whispered to the deepest reaches of my soul, “My child, why are you crying? He is whole. He is your daddy, again. And he is with ME…. where he has longed to be for many years. And your daddy is healthy, happy and he’s singing hymns by a piano with his beloved momma at his side.”

As my momma and my family and I were driving home from telling my daddy’s earthly body goodbyelast week, we were all sad, for we are human, and we are selfish, and it’s very hard to let our loved one go on before us. But we were also happy. Cause we could SEE Daddy grinning back at us from his happy place, surrounded all those he loved and lost over the years… his mom and dad, his Aunt Ruby and grandparents, my mom’s parents, Jordan’s mom, and dear Travis, Uncle Paul, Joey, his mentor, Harold Brendle, Margaret Walters and many others that he was so excited to be reunited with again. As we drove in our grief, and in our happiness, I said, “mom… we should sing THIS song at dad’s service.” Because if you know my daddy, another lesson I learned from him was…you DID NOT go to the funeral home feeling sad for a Christian… you went and reminded everyone around you that it was a celebration. He told me that the night his mom died, he dreamed he saw her around a great banquet table with everyone she loved having a giant celebration of her birth in heaven. I KNOW, deep down in my heart, that my daddy would have loved it if we all end his memorial with a celebration of his heavenly birthday. I encourage all of you to stand up and sing this next song with your whole heart.

Oh Happy Day 

Somebody Slow Down This Train... I Want OFF!

Not really. ;)    But seriously.....Who put my life in SUPER SPEED? Was it God? Hmm... umm, no. I think that's ALL ME. I have this habit of agreeing to take on any project, a deep-seated need to please and juggle every single client who needs a home, and an overwhelming desire to make every moment super terrifically memorable for my family and friends. I can't tell you how I became this way, but I can assure you that every once in a while, it catches up with me, and I wake up to find there's no more "get up and go" in the tank and I'm forced to "sit still" for a day or so to catch my breath. Now that... that's all God. I'm pretty sure of it.

He's REALLY good at getting my attention, once I'm forced to slow down. Like today. The last two weeks have been some of the busiest of the year for real estate (and my lovely and beautiful helper, Renea, has been enjoying some well-deserved down-time at the beach). That has been bookended by two of the busiest and eventful family week-ends EVER in my life. EVER. Family grad dinners, prom, first college graduation of an offspring, daughter's 19th birthday in the middle of the week, cleaning of house for said off-spring's graduation party, HUGE party with 80+ friends, family & DJ, Kevy Kev famous breakfast for 15, more cleaning.... followed by COLLAPSE.

This morning I intended to get up, do a LONG list of work items, help get Andrew packed to move back to Boone for the summer, help Alex with a few promised items, and I have accomplished ZIP, NOTHING, NADA. I can't get off the couch, nor can I focus. But I have had that still, small voice whispering, then shouting loudly over the pounding migraine... "Come to me, my child. I can give you rest. I am here. Look at me. Call out to ME. I AM."

As I'm sitting here, my current favorite song comes to me.

ONE THING REMAINS
Higher than the mountains that I face
Stronger than the power of the grave
Constant through the trial and the change
One thing… Remains 

Your love never fails, never gives up
Never runs out on me

On and on and on and on it goes
It overwhelms and satisfies my soul
And I never, ever, have to be afraid
One thing remains

Thank goodness for Christ's never giving up on me. Don't get me wrong... I KNOW how totally and completely blessed my family is and has been. If you don't know me well though, I have CONTROL issues. To the point sometimes I reach a total collapse... I have to come crawling back to Christ and be forgiven. He knows that no matter how many times I'm reminded, I always continue to hold ALL the reins too tightly and be the control freak that I am, only to have Him remind me that I'm NOT ultimately in control. He is. All we have to do is stop, slow down, and hear that still, small voice. 

This is the P.S.  ... let me say before I am shot by my closest, and dearest friends, and my dear hubby... that ALL of the above events would NOT have happened without their help and assistance. And for that... you all have my undying gratitude. Cap & gown pick ups, barbecue transports from Wilkesboro, untold hours of cleaning by my kids, hubby & Steve 'THE MAN' Fishel; homemade ice cream, cookie dough dip, meatballs, mac & cheese casserole, cakes, fruit platters, etc deliveries... food that HELPED feed that great crowd and make it a stunning evening; besties found cleaning after I had been enjoying the karaoke, etc. You, my dear friends and family, ROCK. And I am so thankful for each of you. We've made some more great memories for this, our 25th year as a family, as we have all been freewheelin' through this thing called life.

Changes...... Tis the Season, for Graduation.... and LIFE.

So I started a blog and it's been 2 and 1/2 months since I posted. Life got in the way.

This blog is posted in honor of District 9. Who is District 9 you might ask? Well... back in Spring of 2009, the high school class of 2009 (newly accepted at ASU) was busily filling out their housing applications for dorm space at App State. About 24 or so of them were apparently REALLY GOOD KIDS!! They all made the decision to apply for the "Living Free" floor. To pick that floor, you had to agree not to drink, smoke or do drugs your freshman year, or you would be.... GASP... EXPELLED. Not a hand slap... THROWN OUT. Fortunately for Andrew, that turned out to be the best decision in the world.

These are a few of those kiddos from the 9th floor of Coltrane Dorm. Little did they know they had so much fun awaiting them. Football and friendships, enough to last a lifetime for the next four years. We knew Andrew had pretty much stumbled onto something special the first "parent's weekend" of football at App in September 2009. The kids were pretty amazing, and we learned many names, but more importantly, how great and special each of these kids were... especially when several of them took the time to get to know us also. Soon we were fixtures during each football season, hosting tailgates with the Halls, and feeding the crowds... learning to love each and every kid... because they loved my son. My Andrew had found his family, and apparently, a new name himself.... ANDY.

Their story is long, but is can be shortened by me to say... many of them have formed lifelong friendships that will outlive many of the changes soon to come for each of these new college graduates in the future. We just spent a weekend hosting several of them for Andrew's college graduation party. My heart was truly touched to see so many of them, some living in different states, making the trip to Midway to celebrate together. This is a bond. And I hope they know how special and RARE a bond like that is in this life.

As they left today, I had "Andy" read to them the post on the wall hanging I bought him for his graduation. It says this:

Life is not a race - but indeed a journey. Be honest. Work hard. Be choosy. Say "thank you", "I love you", and "great job" to someone each day. Go to church, take time for prayer. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh. Let your handshake mean more than pen and paper. Love your life and what you've been given, it is not accidental - search for your purpose and do it as best you can. Dreaming does matter. It allows you to become that which you aspire to be. Laugh often. Appreciate the little things in life and enjoy them. Some of the best things really are free. Do not worry, less wrinkles are more becoming. Forgive, it frees the soul. Take time for yourself - plan for longevity. Recognize the special people you've been blessed to know. Live for today, enjoy the moment.

May all of the members (and adopted members) of District 9 have a very bright and blessed future. And may they always remember to treasure this very special bond they have been given and to gather much and often in the future... celebrating all of life's blessings... together. I love you guys! Congrats to those of you who have graduated and to those of you who have already begun your life's work. God speed!

Twenty Things a Mom Should Tell Her Son

Last night, it was super quiet around our house. Andrew was back in Boone for a meeting, Kevin was in the northeast on business, Carson was teaching middle-schoolers to dance at cotillion and Alexandra was back at UNCC. After several days of a full house, the stillness was deafening. Carson came home, really tired, and collapsed beside me on the couch. After a few minutes, he said, "it's TOO quiet in this house. I don't like it." I looked at him funny, and said, "DUH! That's what I've been saying. You have to remember to CALL YOUR MOM when you go to college next year because this is how it will be half the nights. Remember me." He just smiled at me that handsome grin, then gave me a hug.

So today, I come across this great advice for boys. Sorry, didn't see anyone to credit for writing it. Hope I've done my best with my awesome boys, since they are now grown. But I especially loved number 20... and no, I didn't edit it for my purposes. ;)

TWENTY THINGS A MOM SHOULD TELL HER SON

1. Play a sport.

It will teach you how to win honorably,lose gracefully, respect authority,

work with others, manage your time and stay out of trouble.

And maybe even throw or catch.

2. You will set the tone for the sexual relationship,

so don't take something away from her that you can't give back.

3. Use careful aim when you pee. Somebody's got to clean that up, you know.

4. Save money when you're young because you're going to need it someday.

5. Allow me to introduce you to the dishwasher, oven, washing machine, iron,

vacuum, mop and broom. Now please go use them.

6. Pray and be a spiritual leader.

7. Don't ever be a bully and don't ever start a fight,

but if some idiot clocks you, please defend yourself.

8. Your knowledge and education is something that nobody can take away from you.

9. Treat women kindly. Forever is a long time to live alone

and it's even longer to live with somebody who hates your guts.

10. Take pride in your appearance.

11. Be strong and tender at the same time.

12. A woman can do everything that you can do. This includes her having a successful career

and you changing diapers at 3 A.M. Mutual respect is the key to a good relationship.

13. "Yes ma'am" and "yes sir" still go a long way.

14. The reason that they're called "private parts" is because they're "private".

Please do not scratch them in public.

15. Peer pressure is a scary thing. Be a good leader and others will follow.

16. Bringing her flowers for no reason is always a good idea.

17. It is better to be kind than to be right.

18. A sense of humor goes a long way in the healing process.

19. Please choose your spouse wisely.

My daughter-in-law will be the gatekeeper for me

 spending time with you and my grandchildren.

20. Remember to call your mother because I might be missing you.

From birthday parties to adoption...

Been an eventful few days with our family. Granny's 100th birthday (and she got to celebrate it in Heaven, lucky girl!!), Jeremy's 21st birthday and my bestie gets to meet her brand new daughter.


My Saturday was bittersweet. Kevin's really amazing Granny, Mrs. Bretta Luffman, ALMOST made it to her 100th birthday. She passed away last fall. But her family decided that on the day that would have been her 100th birthday, we should still gather for a celebration of life! Memories were shared and time spent with those who loved her. Most of all, people spoke of her sweet spirit. And how she was an amazing cook... and how we ALL loved her pound cake! And her good advice... she always told Kevin to "be smart."

I knew if I opened my mouth to speak about Granny, I would lose it... cause I'm emotional like that. So I wanted to say here what stood out to me about the sweet lady that she was.

COCONUT CAKE... it was a sad day when her sight became so bad that she could no longer make it... because it was outstanding. AND my favorite. I think I first met her in 1980 or 1981. And she was always kind to me and loved to talk our ears off... I can't drive through Lexington without thinking of one of the best times of her life... living as a young newlywed in Erlanger Mills where she and her husband worked in the textile mill there. And some of my best memories are of Granny helping teach me to sew. When Alexandra was born, I was a terrible seamstress.... I did NOT listen well in Home Ec in high school. So I had to learn from scratch. EVERY time I got stuck, I could call Granny up and explain what I didn't understand, OR I could bring the pattern to her when I was visiting and she would explain what to do. No question was too dumb, and she was excited that I shared her passion for sewing. I sewed both dresses Alexandra is wearing here, and her hat on the left and my dress. Those were fun days and I have those memories because Granny shared her craft with me. I hope to share it one day with Alexandra and Brittany, and hopefully have time to make beautiful dresses for all my grandkids.

Thank you Granny! Your legacy can be seen through your wonderful, loving family. You passed on your love for Christ, and love for family and it shows. We are truly blessed. AND... we already miss you so much.

Love this song.... "Leave a Legacy" Nichole Nordeman

Second big event of the weekend... Jeremy turns 21. Yes, really... 21. Wasn't he just the cute high school senior that Alexandra had a crush on? They'll have been dating 3 years this summer and we couldn't ask for a more wonderful young man. He treats my daughter like a princess, and that's all we can ask for. We are so proud of him.... he's a junior in mechanical engineering and doing quite well. We had lunch at Nacho Daddy's on Sunday.... and of course, we had to put the hat on Jeremy and let them sing to him! =)

And FINALLY, I got an email today that brought me to tears and reminded me that above all, God is in control and he has a plan.... my bestie from high school and my maid of honor struggled with infertility for years before finally adopting her son Gavin, about five years ago this fall, from Russia. He is my godson, and an absolute doll.

She is in another European country this week working on adoption of her new daughter. We can't give specifics on her new one... but suffice it to say, she has already wrapped Keenan around her finger. I'm SO EXCITED to hear the specifics via email several times a day. So I have to share the paragraph Dawn sent me today. Brought me to tears.....

Do you remember the day we went to Babies R Us and you bought Gavin the little baby blanket/toy -- it was yellow, and it had a Winnie the Pooh "Tigger" holding the end of the blanket -- no bigger than a square foot -- one corner had a plastic end that the baby can chew or suck?  Well -- Gavin and I were cleaning out his stuffed animals a couple of weeks ago and he handed it to me and said he wanted to give it to Ella.  So I brought it with us and gave it to her today.  We helped her to say "Tigger" and she hugged it and kissed it and put the chew end in her mouth and really liked it.  Pacifiers are not "the norm" here but because of her being in the orphanage, she is still sucking her thumb.  Also the foster mother said that in the orphanages the workers will cover the children heads with blankets to get them to stop crying.  Of course, the foster parents do not do this but said that she likes to find things to put over her face/eyes when she naps and that this will be PERFECT!!!   The chain of events that God gives us......... from you, to Gavin, to Ella .... the perfect gift!!!

Islands, Anniversarys and Journeys

The first day back after a week on vacation is NOT the ideal time to write your first blog. It's been "started" off and on for months. I named the blog "Freewheelin'" because I saw it on a shirt in the islands, and thought to myself, what a perfect description to our life-long journey through this life. That said... my brain is spinning from real estate and while I eat my lunch, I decided to start writing.

This morning I watched a very powerful video... it is entitled, "The Gift of an Ordinary Day." If you are a parent, it's well worth your extra seven minutes to take a peek. Here it is:

This video got me thinking about a lot of things (and shedding quite a few tears)... about lots of perfectly spent, ordinary days that have passed and a lot of extraordinary days....

The past eight days have been just that... extraordinary island days spent under a warm sun, full of ocean breezes, blue water, and sand between our toes, with my high school sweetheart who still makes my heart skip a beat when he grins that goofy smile at me with his cute dimples. Earlier this year, I decided we should spend ALL YEAR celebrating our 25th anniversary. So what better way to kick it off than to take a trip early in the year and have a big celebration event in the fall. Kevin agreed... BECAUSE.... I have spent 24 anniversaries complaining about the actual date. See... we share our wedding date with the biggest party date of the year... New Years Eve. I know, I know... what were we thinking?

So this year is OUR YEAR of celebration. 

Of celebration of our ordinarily EXTRAORDINARY life. =)

For the last eight days, Kevin and I got to talk about the last 32+ years since we met... and got very excited about the future. Because we are on the cusp of a whole new season of life. We talked a lot about what the next 40 years will look like... how we will spend the time, why it matters how we spend our time, where we will spend the time, and WHO will we spend our precious time with... (grandbabies... lots of them!!!)

God has blessed our family immeasurably more than I could ever begin to thank Him for... But the biggest blessing of all has been this seemingly ordinary, but to me, very extraordinary, family. And let me just say right here... I can't WAIT for the next ten years. Maybe that's why every moment has been so extraordinary for me. Maybe because I am one of those glass half full kind of gals, I spend life looking forward, instead of behind. And therefore, I'm reminded of the time, sometimes in heart-rending kinds of ways, (see video above), that has passed and that I should TRULY CHERISH and SAVOR every single moment of every single ordinary day.

One day this wek, lying on this picture-perfect place, on Smuggler's Cove Beach, (yes... that's the gorgeous beach below),

Kevin says to me, "you know, we could write a book, and people might even buy it, on how to stay married." To which I laughingly replied, "well, with 30+ years together, we may actually have some credibility at this point." Matthew Sink, a minister at Pinedale Christian Church, recently pointed out to me that divorce ran just as rampant in the church as in society as a whole. And there's SO MUCH I have to say on that point. Maybe this and future blogs can be part of the HOW I spend the next years.... paying some of my blessings forward.

I relate dissatisfaction in general, to job-jumping (which I have been guilty of in my younger days), or sadly, people-jumping; everyone looking for that greener pasture. Some folks are never quite satisfied with what they have. Or the job or the person NEVER quite measures up to their expectations. But my advice is to look inward and upward to succeed in life. Satisfaction in life comes from having a direct trunkline to the Heavenly Father and that knowing that no matter what we face, HE is there to face it with us. He'll pull us up, out and through every situation. Right there in the New Testament it says: Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord goes WITH you; he will NEVER leave you nor foresake you." Deuteronomy 31:6.

With this promise, you have the confidence to apply to all other areas of life. Sure... in the last 24+ years, I've been REALLY angry at Kevin for some grievance or another.... but instead of staying angry, I've learned forgiveness, and patience. Remember that wedding recitation.... Love is patient, love is kind, etc.? Comes right out of the bible... 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7.

Next time your spouse makes you mad, change your reaction. Intentionally. Find SOMETHING in him that you can compliment... even 10 minutes later. He'll be surprised... NOT what he expected. I once heard somewhere that it takes 10 compliments to negate one negative comment to a person. And negativity can become a DANGEROUS habit. Words are weapons and words deliver affirmation. They tear you down, or build you UP. Choose your words carefully.  And even if you have the happiest of marriages, take time to read this book... The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman. It will change your marriage. Seriously.

I've rambled all OVER the place in this first blog... and hopefully, it won't be the last time.